Hello,
Today I am updating from my previous posts. It has been a long journey, but my husband and I are on the other side. 4 months ago, we regained custody of our children. It was a fight, but like I said before, we are strong and determined, and nothing can stop someone who has nothing to lose. So here are a couple things I would like to shed light on:
1. We never got a warrant for my laptop to this very day. The seized property by the Utah county sheriffs is missing. We’ve called evidence several times, as has our attorney, and also our case worker, and no one knows where our property is. So if that’s not a red flag then I don’t know what is.
2. If you do not have money, you will probably not be successful. My husband and I have pulled our retirement, savings, and taken out loans to fund this process. I don’t want to be the bearer of bad news, but it cost us around $30,000. If you want to get your kids back, you absolutely cannot go through the resources provided to you by DCFS. We funded all of the safety plan by ourselves.
3. Spend the money on a good attorney. A state appointed attorney will not get you on the right track, you need the help, you need persistence, and you need an attorney who will make the time to spend on your case. When an attorney says, “ you don’t want to make any enemies” fire them. I didn’t care who I pissed off, these are my kids.
4. Don’t waste time, the faster you get it done, the faster it’s over with. Jump into the safety plan head first. Any extra time you can afford to give to checking a box, get it done!
5. You hired an attorney to fight for you, make sure that’s what they are doing! Once we fired our first set of attorneys, we realized how significant this was. We were pretty much bullied into the safety plan, we had every intention on taking it to trial, but the general consensus from our first set of attorneys was that either you take the safety plan or your kids get adopted. We were put in a position in which our attorneys wanted us to choose between a safety plan which could go no longer than 12 months, or adoption. Hmmm.... So when we hired the new attorneys we had already made the choice to stick out the 12 months, but they negotiated the safety plan to what was doable and reasonable. We have spoke to many parents who have been put in a position to which their safety plan was not humanly possible. Example: the court wants a mother to attend full time treatment, work a full time job, and still make time for visits, therapy, etc. that’s not a safety plan, that’s a plan for failure.
6. Don’t speak to the police. Period. Looking back, this did absolutely nothing but add additional stress, put our kids in a stressful position, and the outcome was null. They seized our property, searched our home, interviewed family, friends, and my 4 year old, and nothing came from it. Just cut that part out. As a college graduate with a degree is criminal justice, I would have never thought I’d say that. You have the right to not incriminate yourself. Let me tell you a secret. They already believe you did something, they aren’t trying to help you, they are trying to build a case against you. Whenever they show up, you want your attorney.
7. Find professionals who will vouche for you. They are your only way out. We had multiple therapists we had to meet with. We were doing close to 6 hours of therapy a week. We found therapist who would really hear us, not just give you a half ass letter. Find a therapist who will actually hear you out, and who want to help you through this.
8. If you can, and this was so much help, eat a piece of humble pie, and make besties with your case worker. I’m not saying go out for lunch and comment on their Facebook photos, but keep a good line of communication. We got extremely lucky with the one we were assigned. She trusted us, and for that we got a lot of privileges.
9. Stay the course. Never let anyone say you can’t. I practiced a lot of mindfulness, meditation, and really opening up to myself and others. It helped me get past this phase.
Sooo, what happens next? Same shit different court date. It’s like a play. You and your attorneys get to the courthouse, DCFS and their attorneys (which apparently their attorney is also the GAL, put zero trust in them, they are worthless), and then the judge. All the attorneys gather together to discuss the agenda, how they will present everything to the judge, and then the judge will then watch the performance. Whatever DCFS says during the hearing is likely what the judge will decide. The whole thing is a huge joke that they play at your child’s expense, only you can’t get out of it, and your trapped. Play the game, that’s what this is. It’s a sick sick game. Thing of DCFS as Jigsaw from the Saw series, “you wanna play a game?”
We saw some of our darkest days over the course of last year, but this came to an end. We spent so much time in survival mode, we still have yet to transition back to normal life, and now we definitely need therapy for how to transition back to normal life again without all of the running around, the people in our business, the loss, and the gain. It’s hard. You can do this.
STAY. THE. COURSE.
Sydney
I am not a lawyer and I cannot give legal advise. I am speaking based on my experience alone.
Today I am updating from my previous posts. It has been a long journey, but my husband and I are on the other side. 4 months ago, we regained custody of our children. It was a fight, but like I said before, we are strong and determined, and nothing can stop someone who has nothing to lose. So here are a couple things I would like to shed light on:
1. We never got a warrant for my laptop to this very day. The seized property by the Utah county sheriffs is missing. We’ve called evidence several times, as has our attorney, and also our case worker, and no one knows where our property is. So if that’s not a red flag then I don’t know what is.
2. If you do not have money, you will probably not be successful. My husband and I have pulled our retirement, savings, and taken out loans to fund this process. I don’t want to be the bearer of bad news, but it cost us around $30,000. If you want to get your kids back, you absolutely cannot go through the resources provided to you by DCFS. We funded all of the safety plan by ourselves.
3. Spend the money on a good attorney. A state appointed attorney will not get you on the right track, you need the help, you need persistence, and you need an attorney who will make the time to spend on your case. When an attorney says, “ you don’t want to make any enemies” fire them. I didn’t care who I pissed off, these are my kids.
4. Don’t waste time, the faster you get it done, the faster it’s over with. Jump into the safety plan head first. Any extra time you can afford to give to checking a box, get it done!
5. You hired an attorney to fight for you, make sure that’s what they are doing! Once we fired our first set of attorneys, we realized how significant this was. We were pretty much bullied into the safety plan, we had every intention on taking it to trial, but the general consensus from our first set of attorneys was that either you take the safety plan or your kids get adopted. We were put in a position in which our attorneys wanted us to choose between a safety plan which could go no longer than 12 months, or adoption. Hmmm.... So when we hired the new attorneys we had already made the choice to stick out the 12 months, but they negotiated the safety plan to what was doable and reasonable. We have spoke to many parents who have been put in a position to which their safety plan was not humanly possible. Example: the court wants a mother to attend full time treatment, work a full time job, and still make time for visits, therapy, etc. that’s not a safety plan, that’s a plan for failure.
6. Don’t speak to the police. Period. Looking back, this did absolutely nothing but add additional stress, put our kids in a stressful position, and the outcome was null. They seized our property, searched our home, interviewed family, friends, and my 4 year old, and nothing came from it. Just cut that part out. As a college graduate with a degree is criminal justice, I would have never thought I’d say that. You have the right to not incriminate yourself. Let me tell you a secret. They already believe you did something, they aren’t trying to help you, they are trying to build a case against you. Whenever they show up, you want your attorney.
7. Find professionals who will vouche for you. They are your only way out. We had multiple therapists we had to meet with. We were doing close to 6 hours of therapy a week. We found therapist who would really hear us, not just give you a half ass letter. Find a therapist who will actually hear you out, and who want to help you through this.
8. If you can, and this was so much help, eat a piece of humble pie, and make besties with your case worker. I’m not saying go out for lunch and comment on their Facebook photos, but keep a good line of communication. We got extremely lucky with the one we were assigned. She trusted us, and for that we got a lot of privileges.
9. Stay the course. Never let anyone say you can’t. I practiced a lot of mindfulness, meditation, and really opening up to myself and others. It helped me get past this phase.
Sooo, what happens next? Same shit different court date. It’s like a play. You and your attorneys get to the courthouse, DCFS and their attorneys (which apparently their attorney is also the GAL, put zero trust in them, they are worthless), and then the judge. All the attorneys gather together to discuss the agenda, how they will present everything to the judge, and then the judge will then watch the performance. Whatever DCFS says during the hearing is likely what the judge will decide. The whole thing is a huge joke that they play at your child’s expense, only you can’t get out of it, and your trapped. Play the game, that’s what this is. It’s a sick sick game. Thing of DCFS as Jigsaw from the Saw series, “you wanna play a game?”
We saw some of our darkest days over the course of last year, but this came to an end. We spent so much time in survival mode, we still have yet to transition back to normal life, and now we definitely need therapy for how to transition back to normal life again without all of the running around, the people in our business, the loss, and the gain. It’s hard. You can do this.
STAY. THE. COURSE.
Sydney
I am not a lawyer and I cannot give legal advise. I am speaking based on my experience alone.
We don't have money, but, ha Ingles faith God is on our side. They have taken 5 of my Grandchildren away,(DCFS), and are trying to get them adopted out !. I believe for profit. Really messed up over this !!!
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